On the Schedule

It happened.  After over a year of grueling ups and downs, it happened. I got on the  SYNCSTUDIO schedule! I'll be seeing you every Sunday at 5pm!

This is what happened. I finally emailed Ashley after hmmming and hawwwing for weeks.  What if she doesn't respond? What if I don't get a class? What if she hates me? Yes, I'm aware that I sound close to crazy.  It took close to a week for an answer. Longest week of my life.  She gave me options and sounded excited. I'm in!!!

Nervous heart palpitations followed. I have a class! What do I do? Command. Luckily, I was asked to sub some classes before my first official class. Phew! Get ready for a crazy ride, kids.

Daily Struggle

Quick recap: I made it! I taught an amazing class to an even more amazing group of people in May. Ashley, my cycling guru, named me an instructor! FINALLY! BUuuuuut being an instructor did not mean getting a class.

Next step. I panicked. I'm an instructor with no students. What do I do? I went to get my Schwinn certification in hopes of finding inspiration. $250 later, I was inspired, but still without a class. What if I never teach again?

June. A subbing opportunity arrives. I jump on it. I'm psyched to debut my new playlist. Game on. June 17th, I walk into a dark studio full of students. They're here for me. My name is on the schedule, and people show up. Awesome. Music on, lights out, we ride. Forty-five minutes later, a sweaty group of people emerge. I exhale a sigh of relief. Class is over. No injuries. No hiccups. Happy people. Success. I made it.

Before every class I teach, I get ridiculously nervous. After every class I teach I get a satisfying high. People say the nerves get easier. I like the nerves, it keeps me honest.

Will I Ever Become an Instructor?

Sixth class.  What am I doing?

Fifth Class Fail

I've had quite the roller coaster ride with these instructor in training rides.  My third class turned out to be mediocre.  I did some great things and I did some awful things.  My fourth class was epic.  I had a snafu pre-class with the L train.  I sprinted to class.  Awful thoughts were spinning in my head.  They're going to hate me.  Ashley is going to kill me.  BUT, I turned the music on, apologized to the room and everything felt right.  The beats were awesome.  The class was amazing.  The students were feeding off my energy.  It felt right.  Ashley's post class review was a sigh of relief.  I FINALLY did something good!  Yes, I still had things I needed to work on, but she said she'd let me teach a class!  One catch, I needed to teach one more class as awesome as this one first.

Fifth class.  Fail.  Well, half fail.  My first five songs, horrendous.  My last five songs, amazing.  What does that equal?  Never teach a class like that again.  That was my feedback.  I agreed.  I felt like a disappointment.  I have trouble letting myself go.  To be a good instructor, I should be able to lead a class to do what I want, to do what they want, to give my students a great workout and show them a good time.  To be a GREAT instructor, I should be able to lead a class, engage my students in a great workout and to show compassion.  I did not show compassion.  For the first five songs, I was distracted and drill sergeant like.  I found myself on a hill during the sixth song.  I somehow collected myself and connected with the music.  However, I may have lost a few students...maybe all of them.

I was lucky to have my boyfriend and a good friend riding behind me.  No matter how good or bad the ride was, they were there to hoot and holler and to support me in any way possible.  To have them present was more than enough to make me not want to get off that bike and run.  I could not disappoint them.  I could not disappoint the class.  I could not disappoint myself.

So now, onto my sixth teacher in training class.  I was instructed to teach the same playlist (which Ashley said was awesome, by the way), but with enthusiasm, and passion and compassion. March 24th @8:15pm.  See you at SYNCSTUDIO!

Teaching My Third Class

It has been a loooong time since my last post.  I was going to teach my THIRD class Monday night but snowmagedon got in the way.  #EPICFAIL.  A little update on my previous classes:

FIRST CLASS:

Endorphins were pumping.  The music was loud.  People were bike dancing.  The room was magical.  When I was done, I felt like I was on top of the world.  There was nothing I'd rather do than command a class of bike dancers.  WEEEEE!

SECOND CLASS:

Not so awesome.  I walked into the class feeling super anxious.  I've done this before, WHY AM I SO NERVOUS?!  I was and it showed.  My energy was off.  It was only when I heard the magical voice of Tove Lo that I got comfortable.  There's something about hearing Habits that puts me at ease.  Unclear if the second half of my class would redeem my.  My actor friend tells me that the second show is always the worst one.  Check.

THIRD CLASS:

I have big things ready for this class. Stay tuned.

Let Go

For me, the hardest part to become a cycling instructor is letting go.  I hesitate.  I second guess myself.  I hold back.  For what?  Fear?  Insecurity?  I'm not sure.  When I cycle in a class, I follow the instructor and will do whatever he/she tells me to do.  I'm like a soldier.   Command me.  Please.  How do I get there?  How do I command a crowd of my own soldiers?

When I get on the bike, I turn on the microphone.  I am in training, still, to be an instructor.  The moment when I hear my own voice, I am afraid.  I freeze.  Why?  I feel naked and vulnerable.  It feels like I'm at the beginning of a relationship and everything is magnified.  I'm starting a relationship with the room, with the people who came to take MY class, with MY students.  What if I'm not good enough.  What if I'm not liked?  What if they hate my music?  What if they hate my class?  What if, what if, what if?  No what ifs.  I've practiced.  I've trained.  I know what I'm doing.  I AM good enough.  They don't have to like me.  They just need to like the class.  Let go.

And so I did it.  I taught a class.  And I was borderline terrible.  My class consisted of only my instructor as a student.  I made it through all my prepared songs, but I hesitated.  My cueing was off and my voice was not present until the middle of my playlist.  I struggled.  But I finished.  And I felt good about my not-so-great class.  Why?  Because I did what I had to do.  I let go and I just went for it.

Am I ready to teach a class?  No.  Am I ever going to be ready?  Yes.

I Got Miked!

I woke up the other day and went to my cycling training session. I was ready, but still petrified of my instructor, Ashley. She's an amazing teacher.  She's wise and patient, but extremely intimidating. OR, it could be that I'm a complete scardy-cat. Probably the latter.

Learning to become a cycling instructor has been a long process. I would go into the studio sporadically to train.  And every time would be slightly better than the last, but every time something was missing. I couldn't command an audience. I wasn't comfortable on the bike. I wasn't comfortable with myself. This has been HUGE struggle for me in training and something I struggle with in my daily life.

Ashley asked me if I was ready to show her some things.  I answered with what I thought was an agreeable answer...a playful, but casual, sure.  However, my nonchalant response was not the best move.  My words and my attitude are a reflection of me. I was here to work. I should have told her that I was ready.  She looked at me, "We're going to set a goal. You need to be ready to teach a 45 minute class by a date you choose," Ashley said. Or something to that likeness. Okay, November it is.  I assured her I was ready to work and was prepared with a playlist. I AM READY. 

Ashley left me alone to prepare to show her my best songs.  I went into panic mode and thought Katy Perry would be my answer.  Not true. I couldn't get through the song. I calmed down and perused my original playlist. Trust yourself.  You know what you're doing. I started peddling to the first song on my list and it clicked.  I worked through the next one and called Ashley down.  She sat next to me, perhaps a little skeptical.  I turned on the warm-up song and just went for it. It was a nerve-wrecking three minutes, but I made it. When the last beat faded, Ashley had a smile on her face. And then it happened, she miked me! She thought I was ready for the microphone!  It was weird listening to myself speak and cue, but I got miked.

It took a year for me to get here and I only got through two songs.  But I was handed a training manual and my next training assignment. For the first time, I felt like an official trainee at Syncstudio.  Follow the movement.  Follow my journey.