Sunday, May 25, 2014

Be Vulnerable. Take Off Your Pants.

Being vulnerable is a hard thing.  Taking off your pants is also a hard thing.  I have struggled with both for a very long time.  To me, they're one in the same.  It's the act of shedding a part of myself for the world to see that scares me. I fear it.  I fear the rejection.  I fear the abandonment.  I fear not liking what I see.  

Sometimes, being vulnerable seems like a struggle I will never win.  I fear everything that happens when you make yourself vulnerable.  I like feeling strong and unafraid.  But what I've come to learn is that being vulnerable also means being open.  It means being honest.  It means being honest with yourself and with others.  Being vulnerable opens the door to so many good things, it's worth it. 

Be vulnerable in relationships.  Be open to new friends.  Be open to old friends.  Mend broken friendships that are worth saving.  I'm accustomed to shutting doors and moving on.  But then what am I left with?  Nothing.  I've learned the importance of this in the past year.  I was willing to let a 10+ year friendship die because I wasn't willing to be wrong or to apologize.  Why?  It took a long time to get to where we are today.  We look back on it now and can acknowledge that it was silly.  But what if we couldn't?  I do not know what I would've have done if I'd lost my best friend forever.



Mending my old friendships have taught me to build better new ones.  I've learned when to say what I want.  I've learned when to hold my tongue.  And I've learned when to say, "I'm sorry."  Sometimes it's okay to be wrong when you want to make something right.

Be vulnerable in love.  Be open to love.  Be open to getting your heart ripped out.  We've all been hurt and it sucks.  But the best part about getting hurt is all the amazing things that happen before that moment.  No one wants to love a log.  Where's the fun in that?

Be vulnerable in life.  I'm training to be a cycling instructor.  It has taken me a looooong time.  I struggle with it every day.  My form is near perfect, but I can't get myself to get in front of a room to teach it.  Why?  Because I struggle with letting my guard down.  What if I get in front of a class and they think I'm silly?  My teacher has taught me that it doesn't matter.  No one wants to listen to a log.  Yes, I need to convince people to like my class so that they keep coming back, but I also need to be okay with the fact that not everyone is going to like me or the class.  It just happens like that sometimes.  People gravitate towards welcoming people.  Open people.



This is life.  You give EVERYTHING you have.  I'm learning to be comfortable with myself.  I'm learning to be silly. I'm learning to be vulnerable.  Pants or no pants.